This is a blog post that is not going to be easy for me to write however I feel I need to do this because I am sure there are many others going through or have been through what I am now. Throughout I am going to be as honest as I can and I would be very grateful for any comments or advice you may have.
For as long as I can remember I have never found writing very easy, particularly spelling and grammar. I have also always struggled to put what I am thinking into words. I know in my head what I want to say but when it comes to writing it down my mind goes round in circles. However I have never thought anything into this because no teacher has ever really shown any concern about my writing ability and I have always done reasonably well academically.
Since I have been at university I have become extremely sensitive about my spelling and grammar difficulties. This is mainly down to comments from peers and also from occasional feedback in assignments. But again no lecturer ever showed any great concern with my assignment writing and overall my grades are extremely good. When discussing dyslexia at university I often thought that sounds like me but I was too embarrassed I suppose to take this any further. And since no one else has ever suggested it to me I thought I was just overreacting. So being the person I am I just bottled up how much these comments upset me and the thought of dyslexia and just but it to the back of my head.
Then on Wednesday evening my demons resurfaced... A comment of my blog post about my spelling and grammar made me hit rock bottom as they say. A lady from Canada expressed her opinion that because I am going to be teaching children I need to be a role model where writing is concerned. I would like to say a big thank you to this lady because she pushed me to stop being ashamed and to go and do something about it.
So on Friday I took a dyslexia test at the university which showed that I am most definitely dyslexic. However I do need to take a longer exam to be properly diagnosed. This result was a big relief because after all this time I now know why I have always struggled. It may have taken twenty-one years to be diagnosed but better late than never. But then again I couldn’t help but feel embarrassed and upset. The first thought that crossed my mind was how can I teach children how to write when I can’t do it correctly myself. Although on teaching practice I always go out of my way to ensure I use the correct spellings and grammar when in the classroom. The second thought that crossed my mind was that I can finally get the help I need to become the teacher that I want to be. I can now get help with my spelling and grammar in order to be a role model for children’s writing.
Over the past few days I have had time to reflect. I may be dyslexic but nothing has ever stopped me to do the job that I want to do, which is to be a teacher. I have always done everything in my power, without any help with my writing, to get where I am today and I feel extremely proud of myself for achieving this. I want to inspire children that do struggle in school to know that no matter what they can achieve their dreams and ambitions. As they say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
I hope this post inspires other people to share their personal stories with others. I also hope that this post encourages people who may be in the same situation as me to take that difficult step in the right direction. It is not easy but remember when you hit rock bottom things can only get better.